Former First Lady Michelle Obama coined the phrase, ” When they go low, we go high ” during the 2016 Democratic National Convention. The context surrounding this phrase was associated with the toxic politics during that time. Her message resonated with many people and was a reminder to all of us that it’s ok and most often than not, necessary to be the bigger person and maintain a high standard.
No matter our socio-economic status, educational background or status in any other realm, we are not exempt from toxicity being aimed at us in one way or another. We don’t have to let the actions of others be the reason we lower our standards.
Standing up for yourself or those you love doesn’t mean you have to be nasty or show ill-will towards the perpetrator(s). Sometimes the best response is no response. It’s not always easy but it can help to preserve your peace. Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend who is currently enduring a difficult chapter in their life. They made a comment that sits as the foundation for this post. They were in awe that someone so close to them would betray them in the manner in which they did and continue to do so. My friend has established boundaries and is moving with their head held high but the audacity of the other person is contemptuous.
As we continued to talk, it was a reminder to me that people will be people and in the end my friend was able to see that what was being disguised as love and being a provider was really just narcissism and insecurity wrapped into one. Not everyone who knows better, does better. When we discuss the actions or lack thereof of that people present, or don’t sometimes it’s deeper than what we can see or what we may know.
An individual’s socioeconomic status and educational background combined with situations they have encountered throughout their lifetime is typically the reason they operate the way they do. Sometimes people truly don’t understand themselves enough to recognize when they are operating in a consistently unproductive manner. Every person, every situation is going to be different. There is no one size fits all reason as to why people display unhealthy characteristics. A mindset shift can lead to changed behavior but how does one make that happen?
I believe the answer includes a growth mindset, vulnerability, faith and trust. Over time, I believe that this combination can lead others to see themselves and others in a different light and from a different perspective. The challenge is to make this a priority each and every day and one must be intentional about wanting to make the change. It’s not about changing who you are, it’s about changing the way in which you look at the world around you.
As for my friend, it’s not as if they didn’t try, the other party just wasn’t receptive to the manner in which my friend went about trying to help. I can’t say if the method was right or wrong but without a growth mindset and truly trying to become better there will never be an effective method. Now that they have gone in different directions, the level of disrespect that my friend continues to receive is laughable and anytime the friend doesn’t respond or responds with kindness, the disrespect seems to grow. I chuckle as I write this because it truly is sad. I applaud my friend because I don’t know that I would be able maintain a high moral ground even though I know that it’s the best way to diffuse most any situation.
When we look at everything going on around us, how many times could situations have been resolved or deescalated had someone chosen to go high when the other chose to go low. I am a realist and human, I know that this doesn’t work for every single situation but it will definitely help more than it’ll hurt. Help me, help others remember Michelle’s message, “When they go low, we go high”!
Be Better – Not Always Easy But Always Necessary
♥Toya